All I got is spit!

Aaah. Weinig zo vermakelijk als het stiekem afluisteren van een gesprek tussen twee onbekenden op restaurant of in de metro. Op de site “Overheard in New York” kan je urenlang grasduinen tussen pareltjes uit dat soort opgevangen conversaties. Hieronder alvast een paar hoogtepunten:

Grocery store employee to boy not letting automatic doors close: Hey kid, keep that door closed alright? There’s AC in here. Those doors are meant to be closed.
Boy’s mother: If doors were meant to be closed they would be walls.

–Flatbush, Brooklyn

***

12-year-old boy, yelling at friend: No. Humans will die out. We’re weak. Dinosaurs survived on rotten flesh. You got diarrhea last week from a Wendy’s.

–McDonald’s

***

McDonald’s employee to hobo on floor: Sir, we’re going to have to ask you to leave.
Hobo: Why?!
Employee: Because you shat on the floor.
Hobo: What?! Why the fuck would I do that? I didn’t do that!
Employee: We saw you do it!

–Mcdonald’s

***

Child: Moooom, I’m thirsty!
Mom: All I got is spit!

–2 Train

***

Son on the way to school: Why do we celebrate Columbus day?

Father: We celebrate Columbus day because that’s when Columbus discovered America… And the death of Native Americans.

–18th St & 1st Ave

***

Thugette: That bag is so ghetto!
Thug: No, that bag is not ghetto. Ghetto is a noun, not an adjective. That bag is from the ghetto!

–Metro-North Rail

***

Receptionist: What’s in the package?
Office worker: It’s a full denim jumpsuit with the back cut out.
Receptionist: What’s it for?
Office worker: A baby shower. I wanted to wear something, you know…
Receptionist: Sophisticated.

–Wall Street Office

***

Cop: Move it along, bub.
Hobo: What? I don’t wanna move, I’m sleeping here.
Cop: I said move it, buddy.
Hobo: Why? I’m not bothering anyone, can I please stay, please, please?
Cop: OK, fine. Stay.
Hobo: I love you.

–Bay Ridge

***

Woman with suitcase: Does this train go to Times Square?
Man: This is Times Square.
(woman with suitcase gets on train)
Man: No… This train goes to Brooklyn. Or something. This is Times Square.
(woman with suitcase gets off train)
Woman with suitcase: How do I get to Times Square?
Man: Just walk upstairs. You’re in Times Square.
(woman with suitcase walks upstairs, looks at signs, comes back down)
Woman with suitcase: Does this train go to Grand Central?

–Times Square Station

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